Harry Potter finds Voldemort's Butt-Plug
by Darkspawndweller04
Summary: There was another Horcrux that Harry had to find, but Voldemort has hidden it in his house! Contains diarrhea.


This is the prequel for Harry Potter finds Voldemort's toilet.

Voldemort had split his soul into seven Horcruxes (one of them in the book was accidentally Harry Potter because Voldemort had not been careful enough when doing the spell). He did not feel that this was enough as it wouldn't have taken much time to round up seven Horcruxes if you really put time into it. So he made an eighth one to be kept in a super secret place so that nobody would ever find it (JK Rowling didn't put this in the book as she knew it would be read by kids and this is quite dark and mature).

Voldemort did a Horcrux on his dong, which had fallen off twenty years earlier due to gangrene. He thought he would keep the dong in his Swiss bank vault so no meddling wizards would ever recover the magical weiner. The spell was a success...but oh no! Disaster struck! Voldemort forgot that he had his butt-plug in at the same time as he was casting his spell! The butt plug was now a Horcrux as well! This gave Voldemort pause for concern because a butt plug is an everyday object that everyone had at home and is frequently used or found by people rooting in your room (this happened to me, don't ask). "If anybody finds this - or throws it in the bin where it'll get destroyed in a trash compacter - then i will lose my ability to feel sexual pleasure..." Thought Voldemort in his old Shakespearean voice. (His Horcruxed dong was the ability to give sexual pleasure through sex, but his butt plug was his personal ability to FEEL the act) Voldemort panicked and locked the butt plug in a chest he kept under his bed.

Years later when Voldemort was not at home and instead was at the Death Eater's meeting regarding killing Dumbledore, Harry Potter found himself lost in a strange neighbourhood. He had no friends with him because he had just fallen out with Ron and Hermione was still in school. He began knocking on doors trying to find out where he was and how he could get back to London. Hedwig was sitting on his shoulder and crapped on him in panic. He knocked on the door of a big mansion with cobwebs in all of the windows and a huge laquered black door. The doorknocker was shaped like a snake. The door didn't even knock once before it swung open as if by magic. Harry and Hedwig were alarmed but went inside as Harry needed the toilet really badly.

He never got to the toilet as he was chased up the stairs by Nagini and Hedwig got eaten! Harry ran into what looked to be the master bedroom and slammed the door shut, pushing a large chest against it to keep it closed. The chest popped open at Harry's touch. What was this?! There was a Horcrux in the chest?! Harry rumaged inside and found the following:

* Deatheater mask that looked like a gimp mask

* A pear of anguish (as in the medieval sex torture device that expands in your anus

* A corkscrew

Then he found the Horcruxed butt-plug. Harry thought this was disgusting and puked on it. The puke made the butt-plug all slimy and lubricated and Harry got an unexpected boner. He thought "What would be the harm in jacking off in this abandoned house?" and rammed the butt plug deep into his ass. All hell broke loose as the Horcrux was reunited with another piece of Voldemort's soul. Electricity sparked out of Harry's rectum, shooting down the door and creating a black hole that sucked Nagini into it. This other piece of Voldemort's soul caused a diarrheal reaction which caused poop to fly 6,000ft into the air and Hedwig to be reborn in a flash of molten shit.

Voldemort suddenly returned home to use the toilet and found his house destroyed in a tornado of diarrhea, dead snake and puke. He honked when he saw Potter was using his magical butt-plug and knew it was ruined forever. Part of him died a little as his ability to feel sexual pleasure assimilated itself into Harry's anal walls. Harry fled the haunted mansion in a flurry of shit and dead hopes.

The end.


End file.
